


Retrograde

by somedaysomewhere



Series: Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) [3]
Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Mafia AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-05 11:29:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somedaysomewhere/pseuds/somedaysomewhere
Summary: For Seungwoo, love didn’t resemble the sun this time around. It was a hurricane that came unannounced and all at once.





	Retrograde

It’s been three months in the making.

Seungwoo lays all of their weapons on the metal table: hand grenades, ammunition, lachrymators, knives, several pistols, three rifles and his ever dependable Glock. There is only an hour left before the mission begins. For the first time in a while, he is nervous.

Syntax is a well-known syndicate in the underground. Their business is centered around human trafficking and prostitution. He is not one to preach about morals and conscience, but Syntax is one of the few things that still has the ability to make his skin crawl. When news of Hajoon’s captivity reached him, he knew they had to move. They can’t let him be taken by something like that, everything be damned. Unfortunately, infiltrating a powerful syndicate isn’t something you tackle in a day, in a week, or even in a month. While they want to get Hajoon out as soon as possible, going in without a comprehensive plan is practically suicide. They have to be patient and sort every detail out.

Three months later, a chance finally presents itself. Syntax is scheduled to receive their quarterly supplies, and it is the perfect time to slip inside their headquarters without being noticed. Today is all they have. The end goal is to make it out safely and alive. But it’s alright if he doesn’t, as long as everyone else does.

“Hyung, get ready. There’s only fifteen minutes to go,” Minjun says. 

Seungwoo doesn’t have much regrets. The life he is living is a life he has chosen. He looks at his former members, thinks of his current ones, and knows that he is lucky to have met all of them. Despite the darkness he possessed, the world still allowed him to experience light.

He tried his best to be worthy of being their leader. He only hopes that he did well.

* * *

Four of his members are now off to retrieve Hajoon. Seungwoo is on his way to the surveillance room, tasked to delete and demolish any evidence of their intrusion.

It’s the trickiest part of their plan. It would’ve been better to have one more person to support him but they are low on manpower. As they were only five going in, they had to distribute their positions carefully. And well, he is always willing to take on the more dangerous roles.

In front of him is a red door with a sign that says _Authorized Personnel Only_. He has arrived. He loosens his tie, rolls his neck and takes a deep breath. Upon entering, all hell will break loose.

Then again, he has dealt with everything—the crooks, the corrupt, the perverted, the devils and the downright monsters. He knows hell like the back of his hand.

* * *

He barely has time to breathe before the first shot is fired.

There are seven men inside. It’s a fairly large number compared to one, but judging by they way they are shooting left and right, Seungwoo is certain that their skills are average at best.

Many think that the fastest route is the best way to do things, but hurried jobs are usually the sloppiest. It's better to be thorough. One can only carry a limited amount of weapons during fights and half of the battle is knowing how to use them prudently.

Somebody tries to sneak on him from behind. He pushes a dagger deep into its thigh and twists it, and the man drops from pain. He then aims for the man’s temporal line, the area from the eye line towards the tip of the ear, and pulls the trigger.

_Bang, bang._

Blood splashes to his face. Before him lies a line of corpses: three shot in the heart and four in the head. Seungwoo isn’t a kind nor a gentle person, no. He is not on top of two hired killer groups for nothing. 

“Hyung, we already have him. We’re returning to the truck now. Go back as well if you’re finished there. We’re not leaving until you’re here,” a voice says through his earpiece.

He removes the camera tapes and destroys them one by one. He shoots every monitor in sight. His part is finally finished and he moves fast to join the others. Upon reaching the truck, he presses a button on a burner phone. The IED he planted in the surveillance room explodes.

The entire headquarters must now be aware of what has transpired. He steps hard on the gas and their vehicle speeds into the night.

* * *

They haven’t heard back from Syntax so far. This mostly means that their mission was a success.

Hajoon is recovering well, both physically and mentally. He was shaken in the first few weeks of course, but the members have been very supportive and are determined to assist in his recovery. It was fortunate that they arrived before anything untoward happened to him.

They are currently in Hajoon’s living room, eating grilled meat and catching up. They all belong to new syndicates now and everyone has stories to share. 

Seungwoo used to lead Flux—a group that specialized in assassination jobs under a syndicate named Pluto. There were five other members, namely Hajoon, Dongwon, Minjun, Jiho and Gunwoo. They had a run of four years and were one of the strongest teams despite being only six. Because they were few, the members had to compensate by training in various skills.

However, Pluto squandered the funds it had and soon ended deep in debt. Salaries started coming in late and not long after, they completely stopped. The next thing people knew, the entire organization was being dissolved. Everyone under Pluto were sent to different syndicates as form of payment and he was dispatched to Swing. Later on, he meets X1.

Seungwoo avoids thinking of them. He knows the gravity of what he has done. Still, he often finds himself wondering: _what are they eating? who is cleaning the dorms? are they okay?_

_Will they forgive me?_

There is a weight to carry for being the one who leaves. It's a mind full of trepidation, a pillow made of stone, an iceberg stumbled upon after peaceful sailing.

* * *

Someone takes the empty seat beside him. He doesn’t even have to look to know who it is.

“I can hear the gears of your brain working. What are you thinking about?”, Hajoon asks.

“Nothing much. Just both old and recent times,” Seungwoo replies.

“Hm. You know what, Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

“Your new group—they’re called X1, right? They’re good for you. I’m sure you don’t notice it but you look happy when you talk about them.”

“You must mean annoyed.”

Hajoon taps him on the arm. “Stop hiding your soft side. Anyway, you should go back to them. A leader can only be gone for so long.”

“Hajoon, I’m not leaving until you’re better,” Seungwoo turns serious.

“I am miles better now, all thanks to your efforts. Besides, the other members are still here. We can manage,” Hajoon assures him.

“Really? Even though no one can cook among you?”

“Everything can be delivered now, I’ll have you know. But really, time went by so fast, no?”

“Yes, it did. You look old these days.” Seungwoo smiles and ruffles Hajoon’s hair, just like he used to in the past. 

“Hey, that’s rich coming from the oldest!” Hajoon swats his hand playfully.

They laugh together, and he is brought back to a time when Hajoon occupied all of his heart.

Back then, Seungwoo wasn’t a person who cared about love. It only meant vulnerability and to be vulnerable was a luxury he couldn’t afford. In a world where a small slip might mean death—not only his, but also of the people he was entrusted to lead—love seemed like a liability.

Until he fell.

Hajoon was the first boy he loved. Bright and warm, he embodied summer just like his name. Seungwoo reveled in the sunshine he brought. They were together for two years.

When their relationship ended, Seungwoo was at loss on what to do. He drowned himself in jobs and did them as perfectly as he could. He filled the emptiness with anything he could reach. Still, everything hurt. Love only made him weak and he didn’t want any of it.

But fate laughs at you when you start thinking you have a say in anything, for despite his reservations, Seungwoo falls once again.

* * *

It’s been six months in the making.

He is back in Swing. Predictably, the syndicate didn’t waste any more time and immediately placed him back in their roster. Today is his third mission after hiatus. The job order: terminate a government official.

Six bodyguards are already down. One is with the Mayor himself, and they are trying to escape by going through small alleys.

“Hyung, go inside the street that’s beside a bakery. From there, take three rights. Then at the last intersection, go left,” Wooseok instructs through the radio.

Seungwoo runs. This cat and mouse chase is starting to irritate him. He is tired and sleepy and all he wants is to go home.

He turns left at the last intersection. Unsurprisingly, he meets with his targets again. They kneel and plead for their lives, but these things are not in his hands. Decisions are not part of what he does.

He is a hired killer, after all. Anything else than death is an unacceptable outcome.

The men drop to the ground like fallen leaves. Finally, the day is finished.

* * *

He goes straight to Seungyoun upon arriving at the dorms. He gives him a kiss and a small paper bag. 

“What is this?”, Seungyoun asks.

“Happy birthday. It’s your gift. There’s strawberry shortcake on the dining table too.”

Seungyoun smiles then, the kind of smile that turns his eyes into crescents, and Seungwoo wonders how it's possible for the heart to hold so many emotions at once. He loves him too much, this boy who is kind and sensitive and too hard-headed at times. 

He tries to trace where it started. If love has an end point, then it must have a beginning as well. However, it is everywhere. In the coffee they drink every morning. In the couch they watch dramas in. In the bed they sleep in every evening.

It’s in the way Seungyoun reaches for his hand after a draining mission. It’s in the way he glances at him when he thinks he’s not aware. It’s in the way he holds him at night without having to saying anything. It’s in the way he looks at him before they kiss.

Seungwoo has always been a stickler for details—the littlest things can make or break a mission. He strives to not skip over anything, to see things others may have missed. He never knew it would translate to other matters as well.

Seungyoun gives him something new to discover every time. It’s an addicting sensation, an obsession of sorts. He wants to keep all these treasures to himself, wants to keep him all to himself, and it surprises him because he is the last person to be selfish.

Most of the time, he lets Seungyoun do what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to overstep boundaries and be labeled as controlling. But these days, there is a need that he can’t ignore. He wants to take as much as he gives.

These days, he wants everything.

* * *

He learns over time that a human body can be too small to contain a love that is too vast. It scares him a little because it feels like there's no part of him that Seungyoun left untouched.

Love doesn’t resemble the sun this time around. It is a hurricane that comes unannounced and all at once. One minute he is standing still, and in the next he is drowning.

* * *

Seungwoo places two mugs of coffee on the living room table. He sits next to Seungyoun who smiles at him briefly and goes back to watching tv.

“What are you watching?” He asks.

“It’s some sort of a research show where they inform you about the latest scientific studies,” Seungyoun answers.

“Since when are you smart? Minhee is the only one who watches that.”

He earns a light punch for that one. “Shut up.”

“What are they talking about today?”

“Do you know that emotions only have a shelf life of ninety seconds?”

Seungwoo tunes in to the show and true enough, the scientist relays that ninety seconds is enough time for the body to undergo a chemical process as a response to an event. In that ninety seconds, the body also manages to flush those chemicals out.

“Do you think it’s true?” Seungyoun questions.

Seungwoo has loved Seungyoun for more than a year now. His emotions toward him will never match any constrained timeframes or scientific research. They come in bursts, in waves, in drizzles, in hurricanes. They fester, they melt into his body, and they linger.

“If emotions are only for ninety seconds, then I should be over the fact that you ran into your ex the other day and greeted him. I’m not.” Seungwoo pouts.

“You’re being unreasonable! That was by chance. And he was my ex eight years ago.”

Seungyoun must have seen the mirth in his eyes because he starts to laugh. Seungwoo follows as well. He nuzzles into his neck and tickles his sides.

Seungwoo doesn’t have much regrets. The life he is living is a life he has chosen. Despite the darkness he possessed, the world still allowed him to experience love. For all that he’s gone through, this is truly worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> And we’re done! Thank you for supporting this series. I truly enjoyed making it. Your comments also made me smile :) :) Let’s support X1 all the way <3


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